Snakes on a Plane (Widescreen New Line Platinum Series) (2006) Review

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(More customer reviews)Look, if I wanted to watch one of the greatest movies of all time... "Citizen Kane" or "The Godfather" or "Jean de Florette" or "Airplane!", I would have stayed home with my DVDs. No. If I wanted subtle man-versus-vermin psychological horror, with organ music, I would have stayed home and listened to William Conrad as "Leiningen vs. The Ants".
No. No, no, no! I wanted to go out on a Friday night and I wanted to see snakes on a plane. Mo'fo' snakes on a mo'fo' plane. And that is exactly what I got.
The problems with this movie are very few. Number one, the main character in this movie is a surfer dude but the movie was shot in British Columbia. That's not a problem. Good second unit photography will have you convinced that you're on Waikiki Beach, and you didn't come to this movie to see surfer dudes, anyway. You wanted to see a CGI plane battling turbulence, and really vicious CGI snakes.
Number two, it takes about 20 to 30 minutes for the snakes to get out into the cabin and start rearing and biting. That's not a problem either. Make a list of every delicate body part you'd expect a snake to bite, and once the snakes get out, game on. You're waiting for the big python to show up? Well, that's at least an hour wait, but once he's out, game on.
Number three, it takes Samuel L. Jackson so long to drop That Line that you almost wonder if he's not ever going to say it. Again, not a problem.
Look, this movie was probably first-drafted in screenwriting class. The writers care way too much about their reluctant FBI witness to a mob hit scenario, when the audience just wants snakes. Snakes on a plane. And then when we finally hit the airport, you can do a head count of the passengers and figure out who's going to die, how, and when. There's the stuffy British business traveler (I had him pegged as the first to die), the hot-to-trot sexy young couple -- the girl's in pink thong panties, the aging flight attendant on her last flight, and the ambiguously gay male steward. Finally, the overweight comedy co-pilot with the Texas accent. The script writes itself.
But it's got snakes. Snakes on a plane. If you took the time to come to this page and rate the movie one or two stars, you clearly didn't realize what movie you were buying tickets to go see and you shouldn't have been there in the first place. If you want to see your awesomely bad snakes on a plane picture, this is literally the only movie to go see.
Sequels: Snakes on a Train. Snakes in Portland, Maine. Snakes in the Drain. Snakes in the Fast Lane. Snakes in the Cold November Rain. Snakes in a Music Video with House of Pain. Snakes in the Batter's Box with Ferris Fain. And finally... Snakes on a Train II. Bring it on!

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On board a flight over the Pacific Ocean, an assassin, bent on killing a passenger who's a witness in protective custody, let loose a crate full of deadly snakes.DVD Features:Audio CommentaryDeleted ScenesFeaturetteGag ReelMusic VideoTV SpotTheatrical Trailer

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