2/11/2012

Big Green (1995) Review

Big Green  (1995)
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Let's be honest. You already know the beginning, middle, and end to this movie. You know it even if you haven't watched it. Nonetheless, is an enjoyable, albeit incredibly predictable Disney sports flick. Basically, it's Little Giants with a European translation of Football.
When the film begins, an attractive, teacher named Anna Montgomery (Olivia d'Abo) arrives in a small town as a visiting teacher - sort of a teaching abroad half-year deal from England, but without the bad teeth. Anyway, she's a horrible teacher; so she decides to teach her lessons via soccer indoctrination. The kids would rather be doing something more fun, like covering themselves in Cheetos and letting birds eat off of them.
Anyway, the kids name their team after their field in a nearly-stolen-from-Mighty-Ducks concept, and the teacher gets them to play soccer. Naturally, the kids suck when they first begin to play. They're so bad it's almost as if each kid suffers from vertigo or something; they completely lack any sort of athletic ability or coordination. And, the fat, red-headed kid from Sandlot plays a goalie who is afraid of the ball (like Goldberg the goalie from Mighty Ducks), and sees opponents as ninjas, terminators, and zombies (like visions of puppyheads from Waterboy).
Soon enough, just as the sun rises, the movie follows the Disney movie sports formula. The kids that sucked start to win, lose to the best team in town inevitably coached by a jerk, the kids learn life lessons, insert goofy character (Steve Guttenberg), at least one kid on the team overcomes some sort of difficulty, and the good guys vs. bad guys finale for this genre. I'll let you guess who wins.
It's typical, easy to pick apart for a paint-by-numbers script and mediocre acting, but it's still fun enough to enjoy.

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