11/02/2011

The Hunchback of Notre Dame II (2002) Review

The Hunchback of Notre Dame II (2002)
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What do you want when you watch a sequel?
Well, if you really loved the first movie, you want to see your favorite characters in a new adventure with the same feel as the first movie, right?
You're not going to get what you want when you watch The Hunchback of Notre Dame II. The old characters are there....sort of, but they look like they went through plastic surgery and act so...not like themselves. And they follow up the wonderfully dark, complex story in the first movie with an overly-sweet simple romance.
Now, the original Hunchback of Notre Dame happens to be my favorite movie of all time! (see my review of it) When I watch a sequel, I want to visit the same world again, not a sweetened-up, underdrawn version. This movie was NOT aimed at fans of the original, but rather at the parents and critics who complained that the first movie was too dark for the wittle kiddies.
Okay, I'll tell you what's so bad about this sequel, and how big a disgrace it is to its preceedor.
1. Animation. It STANK!!! Of course no DTV project could live up to the dazzling work of the original, but this animation truely STANK. Characters moved so choppily at some scenes that I wondered if there were frames missing. When people talked (particually Phoebus), their jaws appeared to be broken. And come on, can't they at least decide what color to make Esmeralda's skin???
2. Story. A circus comes to Paris and the ringmaster Sarousch wants to steal the La Fiedle bell from Notre Dame. The bell is used in a festival that appears to involve nothing execpt every couple in Paris shouting out their true love's names (oh pleeeeaase!). Sarousch sends his assistant Madellaine to trick Quasimodo into showing her where the bell is, but she ends up becoming fond of Quasimodo (ala Hercules and Megara). But Sarousch takes the bell and Quasi now has to learn how to trust Madellaine and find true love (blah, blah, blah).
First off, everyone knows that the whole city would rejoice if they were spared having to shout who they loved to the world while a big bell clanged.
Secondly, Quasimodo and Madellaine's romance (the sole purpose for this movie's existance) is one of the weakest love stories Disney has ever cooked up. They meet with a string of bad jokes and obnoxious laughter, then Maddy sees Quasi's face and runs away, then Quasi immediatly starts dreaming about marrying the girl. Oh PLEASE!!! Esmeralda and Phoebus had a more believeable love story in the first movie, and their romance wasn't even the center of the story!
3. Characters. Like I said, the old characters act nothing like themselves. And the new characters are hardly memorable.
Quasimodo acted like a total dip. He must be at least 26 by now, but he acts SO IMMATURE!! He babbles on and on about being lovesick for Madellaine like a dope (he acted much more dignified when he was in love with Esmeralda!). What happened to his deep personality???
Esmeralda didn't seem to do much other than counsel Quasimodo about how to find true love and get angry at Phoebus for being prejudiced. NOOOOOOOO!!! SHE NEEDS MORE SCREEN TIME THAN THAT!!! Did they keep her out of the story so they wouldn't have to pay Demi Moore as much???? Well....at least her character wasn't butchered so much as some of the other characters.
Phoebus acted like a jerk. Since WHEN is he prejudiced against circus people???? They turned him into a not-as-mean version of Frollo! He kept rambling on and on about how circus people can't be trusted, but then he plays right into Sarousch's plan like an idiot. "How could I have been such a fool?" he moans. I don't know, Phoebus, you tell me!
Madellaine was a hundred times inferior to Esmeralda. I lost count how many times she'd say something like "Oh, I'm so stupid," and then Quasimodo would tell her she's not. And she has a real silly sense of humor (discribing a bell as a big hat for one thing). I cannot believe Quasimodo would go from loving Esmeralda to loving her! And if the whole purpose of the sequel is to give Quasimodo true love, shouldn't his new love be as good or better than his old one?? Quasi deserves better than this!
Sarousch has to be one of the stupidest characters ever to come off the drawing board. We follow Frollo, the deepest, darkest, and most intruiging villian ever with a vain, one-dimentional ringmaster who was ALWAYS looking in the mirror and saying things like "Oh, lovely." I can't believe Disney would even CONSIDER this!!!!!
And Esmeralda and Phoebus's son Zephyr is one of the most one-dimentional kid characters they've ever done. (Is it just me, or is Disney obessed with their heroes and heroines having children lately?) Most of his lines consisted of "Wow!" and "Yay!" over and over again, and his sole purpose in the story seemed to be to get kidnapped, so the climax wouldn't be just about saving a bell. And his design looks like they simply took Phoebus and made him 20 years younger. (Very fitting for the child of an interracial marriage, right?)
4. Songs. Awful. Typical DTV junk, especially one where Quasimodo and Zephyr sing about their friendship. How on EARTH could they follow Alan Menken and Steven Schwartch's wonderful soundtrack with this!!!!
I could go on ranting forever, but I have a feeling I'm reaching the 1000 word limit. In short, if you're a critic who hated the first movie because it was too dark for kiddies, you'll be satisfied.
But we Hunchback fans are left with a murder.

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Return to the magnificence of Notre Dame in Disney's all-new movie, The Hunchback of Notre Dame II - a fun, romantic adventure told with vibrant animation and music as soaring as its setting. Still the faithful protector of Notre Dame's beloved bells, Quasimodo now rings them with the help of Zephyr, who is Quasi's best friend. Stopping with Zephyr at a traveling circus owned by the evil magician Sarousch, Quasi is captivated by Sarousch's lovely assistant, Madellaine. But greedy Sarousch is about to force Madellaine to help him steal the Cathedral's most famous bell. Encouraged by some laughable romantic advice from his gargoyle pals, Quasi listens to his own heart and discovers that he, too, must look past appearances to find true love.

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