Showing posts with label avoid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label avoid. Show all posts

5/02/2012

The Stabilizer Review

The Stabilizer
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A friend and I like to watch bad films, and he found out about this little gem. It has three times the action and none of the logic of other action films. The hero looks a lot like Brian May from Queen. My favorite part of the film is when the Stabilizer's arch-nemesis, Greg Rainmaker, is in his (The Stabilizer's) fiance's apartment, and on the wall she has a picture of the Stabilizer. Okay, so there's nothing unusual about having a picture of your boyfriend or fiance on your wall, but in this picture he is wearing sunglasses, a mesh shirt, and HOLDING A GUN. Later in the film, Rainmaker is in his lair, and he fires a gun at THE SAME PICTURE, HANGING IN HIS LAIR! He didn't take it from the fiance's apartment either -- somehow, he too had a picture of The Stabilizer, looking tough and brandishing a gun! Perhaps this year when I send out Christmas cards, I'll enclose a picture of myself, possibly without pants, holding a semi-automatic rifle.
A brief warning: if (for some ungodly reason) you are watching this in the company of children, the film starts out with an introduction by the distributor, Troma (which goes on WAY too long by the way) which features a topless woman.
If you like bad films, I recommend this.

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1/05/2012

Beowulf (1999) Review

Beowulf (1999)
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If you are a rabid fan of ye olde epic Beowulf, and are dying to see it adapted to film, then this is probably not for you. I recommend The 13th Warrior instead. Actually, I recommend The 13th Warrior to any fan of medieval action or fantasy adventure. My endorsement of Beowulf doesn't go NEARLY as far, and yet somehow, in spite of its many glaring flaws, I find this "adaptation" quite entertaining.
This straight-to-video year 2000 take on the ancient tale stars Christopher Lambert as the superhuman hero Beowulf, except this isn't the Dark Ages. Instead, the events take place in a post-apocalyptic future of gears and steaming pipes (a setting that, I feel, was a mistake). It has Hrothgar the "Border Lord," Grendel, and Grendel's mother, but everything else from the poem is absent, and here the similarities begin to wane. As movies go, this is Fortress meets Mortal Kombat (both of which starred Lambert) meets Mad Max, and thrown somewhere in the middle of this techno-gothic realm is Beowulf. Beowulf himself has become a high-flying martial artist (thanks to Lambert's stand-in, naturally); Grendel's mother has become a sexy porn star succubus who seduces Hrothgar in his dreams; and Grendel is your typical B-movie creature with some purple haze surrounding him at all times to make the costume seem more imposing (and, point of fact, it does make the man in a monster suit beastie seem less like what it actually is).
Not unlike the old fantasy flick The Sword and the Sorcerer, Beowulf still manages to be fun in spite of its many failings and sometimes laughable production values (not to mention laughable acting). I still haven't managed to grasp how it can equal more than the sum of its parts, but if you don't expect a film version of the old epic and instead expect a second-rate Lambert action flick, you might have fun also. (stress on MIGHT - different strokes for different folks...)

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Christopher Lambert (MORTAL KOMBAT, HIGHLANDER) stars in this futuristic update of the classic poem written in 900 AD and set in a world of supernatural evil and inexplicable danger! Torn from a legend whose roots are buried in the mists of time, Beowulf is half man -- half god. Living in a techno-futile world of the future, a medieval land where technology's secrets are locked away in a mute past, Beowulf fights his way through a besieging army and into a mysterious, ominous castle on the edge of nowhere to face an evil within ... a beastly spawn of man and demon named Grendel. Now he must fight to the death in order to quell the raging violence hidden deep in his own bedeviled soul!

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11/20/2011

Jay and Silent Bob Do Degrassi The Next Generation (Unrated) (2005) Review

Jay and Silent Bob Do Degrassi The Next Generation (Unrated) (2005)
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Okay, I am writing this rare review in anticipation of a release because some of the other reviews are a bit off target. Jay and Silent Bob do Degrassi is a 3 episode arc of Degrassi-The Next Generation. These 3 episodes are the last episodes of the shows 4th season. Kevin Smith descends upon Degrassi to film a movie, "Jay and Silent Bob Do Degrassi." Although, the Kevin Smith storyline is prevalent, the main Degrassi storyline continues. The first episode of the arc primarily focuses on Paige being a spoiled brat as usual. She doesn't want to give Manny any credit for her role in the spirit squad and the two go back and forth. Craig speaks to a member of Kevin Smiths production about writing a song for the movie. Happy, Craig and Ashley get to work. Their songs are panned and Ashley decides to move to Europe, she was already planning the Europe trip but the songs being panned is the dealmaker. The second episode of the arc is mainly more Craig and Ashley. Craig and Caitlin (the object of Kevin Smiths crush), discuss Craig going to Europe. Joey Jermiah (Craig's Stepdad) gives in to Craig's plan but when Ashley is less than happy when Craig announces his plans to join her, he goes off the deep end. Production wise these episodes aired as "West End Girls," and "Going Down The Road part 1 &2." FUNIMATION offers awesome releases of Degrassi DVD's and the Jay and Silent Bob set is being released in a regular and an unrated version. The third episode of the arc features a lot more Kevin Smith as he and Caitlin grow closer. Since the DVD's haven't been released I don't have a ton of specs but upon release I will revise review. I think this will be a great purchase, especially for fans of Degrassi The Next Generation. The season sets are still on season 2 and this will give us a chance to own a piece of Season 4.

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