6/27/2012

Bare Behind Bars (1980) Review

Bare Behind Bars (1980)
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I am not a fan of WIP (Women-In-Prison) movies. Generally I find them numbingly boring and falling far short of their sensationalistic claims. My preference in WIP movies is for hard and nasty scenes. Oswaldo De Oliveira's "Bare Behind Bars" goes the opposite route, highlighting camp and comedy. Given its limitations, it is still miles above the normal drivel. However, like other WIP movies, it doesn't live up top its promise of "brutal beatings, steamy showers, vicious violence and savage sexuality."
It is more laugh-out-loud funny than erotic. It is very tongue-in-cheek and doesn't take itself seriously for an instant. The acting is deliberately bad, over-the-top and cartoonish. And that is actually its saving grace, because it makes you laugh at the silliness of it all. Just sample the scene of the horny inmates using a makeshift pulley to slowly winch a dildo in between their cells at night. Or the wacky ether-addicted nurse who tries to take the Warden's blood pressure by wrapping the cuff around her neck. Or her buttock-grinding scene with her inmate lover which culminates with her introduction of the infamous pineapple dildo.
Thankfully the women in this prison are almost all deliciously hot and spend most of the time happily naked. And that includes the guards. My favorite here is the blond second-in-command. Sadly she doesn't have a sex scene of her own. To top it off, this version comes with hardcore elements fully integrated into the whole. On the downside, most of the scenes which should have been sleazy or degrading are here played only for laughs. The two "full-cavity searches" are more funny than erotic. The whipping scenes are so mechanical and perfunctory as to be devoid of any eroticism. The "steamy showers" are more like shower parties. The only violence of real standing are the two instances of sliced penises, one thrown to the dog, the other stuffed into its former owner's mouth. Now, that was worth watching.
The X-rating is justified. We are treated to blowjobs, dildo insertions, strapon action, amd full penetrative sex.
Blue Underground has done a beautiful restoration of this 25 year old film and presents it in its original widescreen aspect of 1.66:1 with anamorphic enhancement. Colors are rich, vibrant and accurate. The picture is sharp and richly detailed. Only an English-dub mono soundtrack has been provided. No other soundtracks are included although the actors are most likely speaking Portuguese and poor lip-synching is very evident throughout. Offering less than what was advertised and less than what I expected, it nevertheless was a fun and enjoyable romp. As a piece of camp cinema it's definitely worth at least a rental.

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In a women's penitentiary where brutal beatings, steamy showers, and full cavity searches are the order of the day, the cons are turning into pros - and the cemetery is running out of room! To stay out of the torture chamber, the inmates can barter their bodies in the wicked warden's white slave trade, or submit to the nympho nurse's peculiar brand of medical malpractice. But when these lawless lovelies go on the lam to wreak vengeance on straight society, no one will be safe!Prolific purveyor of perversion Oswaldo De Oliveira's (AMAZON JAIL) piece de resistance is presented here in its X-Rated entirety. A cornucopia of comely convicts (including International beauty queen Marta Anderson of MASSACRE IN DINOSAUR VALLEY and PERVERSION Scream Queen Nadia Destro) bare it all, as every frame of vicious violence, savage sexuality, and inappropriate use of pineapples, is presented pristine and intact for the first time ever in America!Extras include Theatrical Trailer

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The Love Bug (1997) Review

The Love Bug  (1997)
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Bruce Campbell is Hank Cooper, a flop of a racecar driver reduced to the role of an inattentive mechanic in a small autoshop. Hank's mind is still on serious racing, and it's seriously affecting his work. Everything is about to change for Hank though, because his boss, Chuck, has just entered him into a car repair and racing contest in which the winner will get to keep the junker he manages to fix and race with. When Hank's coworker and best friend, mechanic/installation artist Roddy, sympathizes with a broken down little VW bug that none of the other contestants want to work on, Hank gets sympathetic too. He selects the little beetle, our old friend "Number Fifty-Three," Herbie! Hank gets the engine running again, with a little horn-communication help from Herbie, translated by the very intuitive Roddy, and, after a late start, the little car and his driver blow the competition away! Suddenly, everyone is amazed by Hank, but even more-so by Herbie, whose name is made known thanks to a maker's inscription under his hood. Hank starts to get a bit jealous of the car's popularity, especially when everyone is ogling it at Roddy's art show. What bothers him even more though, is the lack of respect he gets from magazine reporter Alex Davis, an ex-girlfriend of Hank's who also gives all the credit for winning the race to the humble little Volkswagen. Despite his sour grapes, Hank and Herbie have already started forming a bond, and when he notices the troublemaking, extremely wealthy Simon Moore III, an old competitor of his, taking an unwelcome interest in Herbie, he doesn't like it. Hank comes to Herbie's defense, and he and the bug chase Simon away, but not before Simon gets a peak at Herbie's inscription and pockets Herbie's original VW key. Simon is determined to find out what makes Herbie tick, and to do so, he sends his lackey out to retrieve Herbie's creator, an aging German engineer by the name of Dr. Stumpfel. The doctor tells Simon a fascinating and magical story of how Herbie came to be such a "special" little car, a story reminiscent of the Powerpuff Girls in point of fact. Unfortunately, the doctor is confiding in the wrong person! Simon convinces him to create a second "magical car" using the stolen VW key, only this time, Simon adds his own flavor to the metal mix. The result is a solid black Volkswagen bug with a heart of steel and the mind of a vicious animal! When Herbie gets his feelings hurt one night and runs away from Hank and the gang, he encounters his evil twin, dubbed "Horace" by his equally wicked owner, in a dark and lonely alleyway. Horace makes short work of Herbie, and the destruction is so horrendous that we next see Herbie in a pine box surrounded by his mourning new friends. Enter a living legend: Jim Douglas (Dean Jones). Herbie's original race-driver, Jim knows the little car is more resilient than he looks. With the help of Jim and Dr. Stumpfel, the gang rebuilds Herbie using all his original parts. Everyone is biting nails when Jim is given the honor of starting Herbie up again and seeing if he's still "there." Luckily, he is, and the reunion between Jim and Herbie is more than a little tearful for us diehard fans. Still, this is Hank's adventure now, and Jim and Herbie bid each other a fond farewell. The good feelings don't last long though. Simon, driving by in his monstrous Volkswagen creation, notices that Herbie is somehow in one piece again! Determined to get the little bug out of his mind and prove that evil is stronger than good, he and Horace challenge Hank and Herbie to a racing duel! The winning driver getting to keep the loser's car!
The world of Herbie the racing Volkswagen bug has always had its continuity issues, none more severe than this little 1997 anomaly of a TV sequel, unoriginally titled "The Love Bug" and starring B-movie legend Bruce Campbell. True, Herbie doesn't look exactly perfect, but he still looks and acts like Herbie, and the key to a good Herbie film, a great cast, is still there. Acting quality aside, who doesn't love Bruce Campbell? And he fits the mechanic/wannabe racecar driver role well. Alexandra Wentworth is lovely and humorous as ex-girlfriend Alex Davis, and "Mummy" fans will be thrilled to see both John Hannah and Kevin J. O'Connor together again! Kevin makes a fine, modernized substitute for Buddy Hackett's Tennessee Steinmetz, and John makes a great spoiled rich-boy villain! And, for added fun, former "Monkee" Micky Dolenz even has a small role in this one! Of course, what makes this film a must-own for Herbie fans is the touching reunion between Dean Jones's Douglas character and Herbie the car! It truly brings a tear to the eye! The film itself is flawed, sure, but it's still a good, fun Herbie movie that lives up to the Herbie name! I'll ignore the lame reuse of the original film's title, even though it makes everyone, even Disney archivists, refer to this TV sequel as a remake(a real pet-peeve of mine!). Probably the only real flaws in this film are the origin story, the intensity of the final race, and the music. It's for these reasons that I bring it down a star from the previous "Love Bug" sequels. I can take the origin story; I think it's one of the things that makes this film "special" in the Herbie line. It's the major continuity flaw of the whole thing in my opinion, because it doesn't perfectly fit the ideas of the previous films, not to mention "Herbie: Fully Loaded," the most recent theatrical sequel that totally ignores this TV movie in its own continuity. Still, it doesn't EXACTLY counter the ideas of the previous films either. Yes, other Herbie movies include other "living" machines, but whose to say each doesn't have its own secret origin story? The idea that well-loved machines develop personalities was more theory than anything, and this origin plot doesn't totally deflect that theory. As for the final race, I will say that this should have been much more intense and should have looked faster. This is probably the most serious flaw in the film, because it actually has to do with the writing. There have been complaints of the CGI Herbie, perhaps this whole film was just an early test for the concept of future Herbie sequels like the wonderful "Fully Loaded," but in truth, it doesn't look any faker than SOME scenes in past Herbie sequels. I noticed some pretty bad effects during the bullfight in "Herbie Goes Bananas," a personal fave of mine... There's not A LOT of noticeable CGI in this film, so let's not overblow it. In truth, what bothers me the most about this 1997 "Love Bug," a film that I really like for the most part, is the music! Herbie's theme is nowhere to be heard! Instead, we get some typically bad TV movie background music, including a lame attempt at western showdown music that gets played quite a bit. If I could change only one thing about "Love Bug" 1997, it would be to add the original Herbie theme music in place of that stuff. Aside from that, I really find it a nice addition to the Herbie line. What makes it an anomaly is the fact that it is sadly disregarded in Herbie history now that "Herbie: Fully Loaded" is out there. And, I fear that the Lindsay Lohan hit, which I love, may keep this one from ever seeing a DVD release. I'll keep my fingers crossed though, and hope that 1997's "Love Bug" AND the short-lived TV series, make it onto DVD someday. Until then, I do recommend picking up this "Love Bug" SEQUEL on VHS today, even if only to see Dean Jones back in the driver's seat one more time!


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5 Film Noir Killer Classics (D.O.A./Detour/The Stranger/Scarlet Street/Killer Bait) (1949) Review

5 Film Noir Killer Classics (D.O.A./Detour/The Stranger/Scarlet Street/Killer Bait) (1949)
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The liner notes say that these are "...crisp, archival prints". Well, not exactly. This set is pretty good, but not fantastic. The authoring leaves some pixellation and blotchiness in the darker scenes. Also, they have tinted some of the scenes grey. I guess that was to try and cover up some fading. "D.O.A." is pretty good, but a clearer version is the one put out by Image Entertainment. This set does contain the best and most complete version of "DETOUR" that i have seen, although it still needs more restoration (Criterion, can you hear me?). I think "THE STRANGER" looks OK, but ROAN GROUP puts out a better disc of it. Concerning "SCARLET STREET", it looks about as good as what anyone else is putting out. I guess no one has been able to find a nice, clean, fine grain print of this movie yet. The movie "KILLER BAIT" is also known as "TOO LATE FOR TEARS" and it looks better in this set than the "TEARS" disc that Image puts out. As for content, all of these movies are good ones.

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Lights out! Questar presents five killer examples of film noir, the shadow-drenched genre of middle-class crime, anxiety, and desperation that blackened American movie screens in the 40's and 50's. Each of these thrillers comes in a crisp archival print on a separate DVD, which includes riveting bonus features on some of the people and ideas behind this darkest-and most enduringly popular-of all movie genres. Disc One:D.O.A. - On vacation from his clinginggirlfriend, a complacent accountant (Edmund O'Brien) unknowingly swallows a drink spiked with radioactive poison and then spends the last desperate hours of his life trying to find out who "killed" him-and why.Directed by Rudolph Mate. Disc Two:Detour - Hitchhiking across the country to reunite with his girlfriend, the film's "hero" encounters two sinister characters-one of them a venomous, blackmailing woman whom he "accidentally" murders.Directed by Edgar G. Ulmer. Disc Three: The Stranger - Orson Welles directs and stars in this thriller about a monstrous Nazi official who's hiding out as a small-town American college professor. A war crimes detective turns up determined to expose him-even if it means endangering the Nazi's innocent wife. Disc Four: Scarlet Street - Homely, henpecked Chris Cross (Edward G. Robinson) leads an honorable, if tedious, middle-class life until he falls madly in love with the dangerously seductive young Kitty (Joan Bennett).Directed by Fritz Lang. Disc Five: Killer Bait - A bickering couple find a bag of money in the back seat of their car. The husband wants to turn the illicit cash in, but his money-hungry wife has a different idea-and she'll do anything to realize it. Directed by Byron Haskin. Disc 6: SPECIAL FEATURES - Black and Blue: The History of Noir;Hot-Blooded and Cold-Hearted: The Dames of Film Noir; Classic Lines Quiz; Over 35 Film Noir Trailers including Double Indemnity, 1944,Reservoir Dogs, 1992, Sunset Blvd, 1950...

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6/26/2012

The Wiggles - Whoo Hoo Wiggly Gremlins Review

The Wiggles - Whoo Hoo Wiggly Gremlins
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Now that we've grown accustomed to having The Wiggles at home on a daily basis, we really look forward to each new DVD, to give the others a well deserved break. Sometimes they hit, sometimes they miss, but they are never-the-less always welcome.
This one is a hit, especially with my three year old, who has watched it repeatedly since it arrived. It is indeed a vast improvement over Cold Spaghetti which was overcooked, overdone and not appetizing.
The concept is funny, with two mischievous gremlins wrecking havoc on The Wiggles and friends. The gremlins may be a bit annoying to adults, but are definitely a hit with kids, the intended audience. Captain Feathersword has a lot more quality screen time in this one, and Anthony isn't as hammy. Greg, however, should never be required to do any dance steps that involve moving his hips, which have absolutely no ball bearings.
The choreography again is not the best, but is improving. Those ever-present red marching band uniforms are back again, but this time they more or less fit in to the theme. Even The Wiggles donned them this time, so somebody obviously likes them.
The songs are the best they have done for a while, with quite a few sing-worthy tunes. The songs are:
Camera One
Gulp Gulp
Testing One, Two, Three
Bit By Bit (We're Building A Set)
Vegetable Soup
Hats
Music With Murray
Lights, Camera, Action, Wiggles!
Dressing Up
Where's Jeff?
Anthony's Workshop
Overall, one of the better Wiggles productions.
Amanda Richards August 5, 2004

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Some wiggly gremlins are playing funny tricks on The Wiggles and their friends! Captain Feathersword is left in charge of the TV studio with Dorothy the Dinosaur, Wags the Dog and Henry the Octopus. Things don't work out as planned, but it's a lot of fun building a set, dressing up and singing and dancing with The Wiggles and their friends! Approx. Run Time: 53 minutes

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Tuck Everlasting (1981) Review

Tuck Everlasting  (1981)
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I've seen both this and the remake. This is by far the better. The acting is better, the characterizations more believable, and some of the dialogue I would put in a class with Shakespeare and Lois Bujold. The remake merely has a bigger budget, so the picture quality is better.
But it is as a *story* that this movie shines, for we are shown the world through the eyes of a young girl just on the leading edge of her womanhood, thrown into immortal peril, and given both a terrible choice and a great responsibility. Winnie and all the Tucks are brought to vibrant life, and we can empathize with each of them, and the joys and burdens their unwanted gifts bring them.
I mentioned dialogue earlier, and to this day I cannot think about Jesse Tuck's reply to the Sheriff's warning without shivering at just how profound that reply is. For that exchange alone, I would watch this movie again and again.
I hope and pray that THIS edition finally finds its way to DVD, where it, like the Tucks, may live forever.

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Noah (1998) Review

Noah  (1998)
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Disney and Tony Danza - a combination that guarantees entertainment! Norman Waters, the widower with three sons and a not-so-honest construction worker, receives the test of his life when God sends a messenger to him. The messenger must convince Norman to build an arc, as he will be sending the disasterous flood in the near future. Norman responds like anyone probably would in the similar situation, but when he accepts his fate, his sanity begins to be questioned by those around him. Eventually, a local pet shop owner helps him supply the animals for the arc, even sacrificing her entire savings and business for the project.... all while the two fall in love. This project tests his relationship with his sons, with their various feelings about their dad's activities. In addition, the community, friends, and business associates add to the complications of Norman's fate. Norman cannot help to make some permanent changes in his beliefs and future actions, but you'll be surprised at the results. This is an excellent movie, that does stress the fact that sometimes things may not quite make sense to others - but we all have to do, what we have to do. There are many more levels to this movie that I can describe here in such a short review... so I highly recommend you watch this movie to obtain the full impact of it. Enjoy!

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Attack Girls' Swim Team vs. the Undead Review

Attack Girls' Swim Team vs. the Undead
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Attack Girls Swim Team vs. the Undead (Koji Kawano, 2007)
Okay, let's start off by saying that if you're the kind of person who sees a title like Attack Girls Swim Team vs. the Undead and does not immediately think "THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER", you're probably in the wrong place. Because that's exactly what I thought when I saw the title of this movie, and, well, I'm the guy who's writing the review. If we're coming from entirely different mindsets... you know. And while the movie doesn't live up to the promise of the title, it's certainly good for a romp.
Aki (Sasa Handa) is the new girl at school. Keeps to herself, quiet, that sort of thing. One day, Sayaka (Yuria Hidaka), seeing her at the side of the pool and mistaking her for someone else, pushes her in as a prank. The two of them become fast friends after that, but this is no simple friendship drama. Because, after all, there must be an evil mastermind experimenting on the school (where else but in Japan?), administering a "vaccine" for a cold that's going around. But, yeah, vaccine? It makes zombies of everyone but Aki and the girls' swim team, who must find a cure.
No, it's not a great movie, and most of the time it's not even a good movie. But on the Joe Bob Briggs blood, breasts, and beasts scale, it gets top marks in all three categories (including one scene between Handa and Hidaka that wouldn't be out of place in an Emmanuelle flick), and it adds a continual element of just plan weird, in that style the Japanese do so well. The climax of the movie is just jaw-dropping. I mean, really, off-the-scale, [censored for Amazon consumption] nuts. And hysterically funny, if that kind of humor works for you.
So, yeah, not a good movie, but it's the kind of bad movie that transcends its badness and becomes something great. This is one you owe it to yourself to watch. ****


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Item Name: Attack Girls' Swin Team Versus the Undead; Studio:Adv Films

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