Showing posts with label horrible. Show all posts
Showing posts with label horrible. Show all posts

7/13/2012

The Order - From Matthew Barney's Cremaster Cycle 3 Review

The Order - From Matthew Barney's Cremaster Cycle 3
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The Order: From Cremaster 3 (Matthew Barney, 2002)
First off, let me just say that the disc is misrepresented by most people. Yes, it's a teaser DVD released in anticipation of the full Cremaster boxed set (which was supposed to be out 16 September 2003, and is now pushed back vaguely to "sometime in 2004"). No, it's not a hundred twenty minutes of Cremaster 3, which ran three hours in the theaters. It's thirty minutes of Cremaster 3 that occur towards the end of the film. So at the prices you're seeing it selling for at amazon, ebay, etc., it's not worth it unless you already know you love Cremaster (for reasons specified below).
As a rental, though, The Order is an absolute must. I don't know whether Matthew Barney created the subsection of Cremaster 3 called The Order with an eye towards releasing it as a teaser, but one way or the other, it works fantastically.
The Cremaster Cycle is that rarest of oddities, a series of films that have managed to become wildly popular despite having content that would leave the average filmgoer walking out scratching his head and saying "what on earth did I just sit through?" For that matter, most film snobs will wonder the same thing. Cremaster is like the Ezra Pound's Cantos of modern film; you'll enjoy it on the surface, but there's much more to be found if you happen to be up on such topics as Biblical history, the Masonic initiation rites, the Paralympics, and other such cultural obscurities. But don't let such a thing stop you. I know there's a lot of you out there who just have a thing for men in kilts. You get that, too.
Cremaster 3 is an allegorical tale detailing the construction of the Chrysler Building and linking it to the construction of the Temple of Solomon. The Order is a piece of this (filmed in the Guggenheim Museum, a gorgeous space made even more so by the film's set decoration) that deals far more with the Temple of Solomon aspect and the focus on the Masonic initiation rites. The protagonist is the Masonic Entered Apprentice (played by Barney). He starts at the bottom of a large cylindrical room with a spiral walkway that goes up five levels, with each level being a degree of Masonic initiation. Needless to say, this is not easy; he can't just walk up, but must climb, and each degree has a particular challenge he must face; an aggressive chorus line, a battle between two New York punk bands (Murphy's Law and Agnostic Front), a love interest (Paralympic gold medalist and Olympic athlete Aimee Mullins), The Five Points of Fellowship (you tell me, I have no idea) and, at the pinnacle, the Architect of the Temple of Solomon and the Chrysler Building himself (played by artist Richard Serra).
Like the rest of the film, the Apprentice's assent is not a linear thing; he bounces back and forth between levels, trying to figure out what's going on as much as we are. Pieces of each puzzle are scattered throughout, giving the whole thing an odd, Myst-like feel. (In fact, the Apprentice does not end with Serra, but on a lower level; non-linearity at its finest?)
Where the DVD of The Order may become purchasable for the average Joe who finds himself enamored with the Cremaster films is in the bonus material, which is what stretches the disc out to the promised 120 minutes. There are six full songs from each band to be found if you dig around enough, and a whole lot of outtake footage from each degree; various shots taken from various angles that extend each degree into a mini-film of its own (for example, the chorus line on the first level, who actually get maybe four minutes of screen time in the finished piece, do a whole fifteen-minute routine. The choreography is wonderful, and one wonders why you never see such things in actual chorus line performances).
For most of us, though, The Order is bound to do exactly what it set out to do: what our appetites for the whole boxed set. If there's as much bonus material in the box as there is on this disc, it's going to be huge, and wonderful, and worth whatever Palm Pictures ends up charging for it. See this now. **** ½

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Item Name: The Order - From Matthew Barney's Cremaster Cycle 3; Studio:Palm Pictures / Umvd

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4/22/2012

The Living Dead Girl (1982) Review

The Living Dead Girl (1982)
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Yet another well-done, beautiful-looking Jean Rollin film. Some workers storing chemical waste in a crypt decide to moonlight as grave-robbers and open a coffin containing an astonishingly well-preserved young woman. But oops, there's this earthquake, y'see, and chemicals spill and o' course this brings the girl back to life and she starts killing (sharp fingernails!). Then she wanders off to a large chateau, of which her undead brain contains vague memories. There she meets her best friend, who's so glad to see her back among the living (sort of) that she decides to help her get the blood she craves by luring in victims. This leads to some pretty heavy gore - more graphic than what you usually see from Rollin - and o' course there's plenty of nudity, all of it beautifully, poetically filmed. Pretty extreme in all counts, and has that dreamlike suspension-of-logic that'll make you not worry about details (like why didn't the girl decay at all? and is there anything worse than the accordian-rock of The Fireflies?). Another good 'un from Rollin.

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4/17/2012

Girls in Chains Review

Girls in Chains
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What you see on the cover is not what you get.However,this movie was still entertaining enough.There are girls in a cellar that are used as playthings for two momma's boys who live with their mother(who we don't see till the end),one brother has the mind of a 5 year old. They have mommy issues that are reminiscent of Norman Bates but 1000's of light years away from the Hitchcock horror classic .They use dog leash collar chains when they take the girls out to play.Never do they chain any girls up.The monster on the cover is not in the movie and there are no bars,only a rack on a cellar window with a bunk bed.The house where most of the movie takes place is a neat nice looking home in a secluded part of a suburb.The torture is more mental then anything else.A twisted drama,so no whips and chains.Expect some gratuitous nudity without any S&M or gore(i.e. bloody torture) if your looking at buying "Girls in Chains"based solely on the cover alone.3 stars for some funny scenes.Good for a laugh.

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3/21/2012

Soccer Mom (2010) Review

Soccer Mom (2010)
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I rented this movie from RedBox and I couldn't stop lauging as the mom tries to play a popular italian soccer star just to convince the girls soccer team that he is actually coming to coach. She and the soccer star actually got into an altercation at the airport and he blatantly refused to coach the soccer team, but there are some real surprising twists as the movie progreses. I was laughing for more than a full minute on the part where the real "Lorenzo" pours a pitcher of water on himself because two other people poured water on him because they thought he couldn't "make up his mind" on what to order. The truth of the matter was the mom (Missi Pyle) was impersonating him and they were in the same room!
You just need to watch the movie to find out if the mom's (Missi Pyle's) act of playing Lorenzo the Italian soccer star is exposed. Emily Osmont did an excellent job as playing Missi Pyle's daughter and she is very good at playing soccer. I wish I could give this movie 6 stars because of how closely it resembled Mrs. Doubtfire and She's the Man (both excellent movies where people try to impersonate others).
I wasn't sure why some people gave it negative reviews based on the sexual dialagoue, but this is a teen movie. What did you expect? But anyway this movie is actually worth buying and keeping as a collector's edition.

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When Becca's (Emily Osment) losing soccer team needs a new coach, Wendy (Missi Pyle) decides to masquerade as the famous Italian soccer star ‘Lorenzo Vincenzo' and take the job. Can she now lead Becca's team to the regional finals before her increasingly crazy double life comes totally unglued? Kids and parents alike will love this heartwarming family comedy about mothers, daughters and the unexpected goals that bring them together.
Stills from Soccer Mom (click for larger image)

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2/24/2012

The Eclipse (2010) Review

The Eclipse (2010)
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There are many lovers and haters of this film. This is especially due (in my opinion) to the inexplicable title of the film that coincides with the laughable attempt of a vampire movie that shares the same name. This movie goes beyond any of the so-called horror movies that are on display at your local B-Buster nowadays, period. Think of classics like The Haunting and The Uninvited that are filled with subtleties that captivate the viewer while they do not feel cheap and overbearing. I can see why some feel cheated by this film since the horror aspect takes a back seat at times, but downplaying the horror is really effective in this case. There are many films that are not designed to be thrown into a specific category and this film is a perfectly blended cocktail of horror/suspense and drama/romance. Watch this film with the lights off and the sound up specifically for the scenes that will turn your skin as white as a ghost.

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Michael Farr (Ciarán Hinds), a teacher raising his two kids alonesince his wife died two years earlier, has been seeing and hearing strange things late at night. He isn'tsure if he is having nightmares, or if he's experiencing a haunting. Working as a volunteer for an international literary festival, he is assigned to Lena Morelle (Iben Hjejle), an author of books about ghosts and the supernatural.Establishing a rapport with one another, Michael opens up and shares his terrifying experiences with her. However, Lena's attention is distracted by another novelist, Nicholas Holden (Aidan Quinn), with whom she had a brief affair. The trajectories of these three people lead them into a life-altering collision where the challenges of love, fear of the unknown, and release from the burden of grief are explored.

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Category 7: The End of the World (2010) Review

Category 7: The End of the World  (2010)
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I've always been open to watching these disaster movies. Volcano, Twister, Day of Tomorrow ... all good films in their own right, despite what the movie critics say about them.
Category 7: End of the World was a very entertaining movie. I think too many entertainment fans spend too much time over-analyzing movies that are made by the entertainment industry instead of enjoying it for what it is, quality entertainment. While I haven't seen the previous film, Category 6, I plan on purchasing the movie to see how this series started.
While it's not too impossible to believe, such events as what is seen in this film could very well become true. With the rising cost of oil and the fact that the greenhouse effect and global warming are impacting our enviropnment, this movie does have a very moral lesson to show anyone who watches this movie. We must protect our environment before it starts to react to our presence on this world.
It was refreshing to see Shannon Doherty and her authentic talent coming to the surface. She had been released from Beverly Hills 90210 and Charmed because of her attitude with producers and directors but it was refreshing to see her performing true to her nature and having a role that was written just for her. She is a wonderful actress and it's time more and more roles were written specifically for her. Randy Quaid is also the consummate actor who always seems to manage to steal every scene he's in.
But, I was disapponted that the US Government and the politicians that are portrayed in this movie seem content in facing the ultimate destruction of Mother Nature and protecting the interests of the large corporations, oil cartels and special interests instead of safeguarding the lives of the people. It shows a lack of original thinking on the part of the writers, who should have gone to a few more creative writing courses before sitting down to write this movie. In addition, I felt that this movie was a little longer than it should have been. Hopefully, there'll be a little more of a waiting period before we see Category 8, which will be coming our way faster than we can turn off the power.

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NEW ON BLU-RAYCATEGORY 7: THE END OF THE WORLDAs a deadly Category 6 storm descends upon the Earth, unleashing violent winds, hurricane force pressure, and devastating tornadoes, officials scramble to pinpoint the cause. Though global warming is suspect, beautiful but discredited scientist Faith Clavell (Shannen Doherty, Mallrats, TV's Charmed) realizes that something else is triggering the extreme weather. Teaming up with storm chaser Tommy Tornado (Emmy nominee Randy Quaid, Brokeback Mountain, Elvis) and Judith Carr (Gina Gershon, Sinatra, Face/Off), head of FEMA, Faith realizes they must enter the storm itself if they hope to stop it. While the country is at its most vulnerable, the government becomes aware that it is the target of a terrorist organization. Now, it's not only man against nature, but man against man as an intensified Category 7 approaches...

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11/27/2011

Bubble (2006) Review

Bubble  (2006)
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In a small town on the Ohio and West Virgina border, Martha and Kyle work together at the local doll factory. Martha is a middle-aged, unmarried woman who lives with her infirmed father and takes care of him. Kyle is an unfocused young man, who never finished high school and still lives with his mom in the local trailer park. Martha and Kyle are "friends." Martha picks Kyle up for work everyday, and she even drives him to his other job at the shovel factory in the same town. Everything is normal until the doll factory hires a new worker. The new worker, Rose, is a single mother around Kyle's age. Rose and Kyle become good friends, and even go out on a date together. All of these incidents come together to lead to tragic consequences about halfway through the film.
Bubble is really an odd, intense film. The character of Martha seems to paint a picture of a life of pointlessness, loneliness, and sadness. Martha obviously thinks more of her relationship with Kyle than he does. Their conversations are never complicated, and are filled with plenty of awkward silences. In fact, the silences are some of the best parts of Bubble. All the conversations feel completely real. Maybe it was Steven Soderbergh's choice to use non-actors for the film's main roles, or maybe it was the writing, but either way, the film feels very normal and realistic.
Some people would argue that nothing actually happens for the first 40 minutes of the film; and they would be right. The first 40 minutes consist mostly of talks between Martha and Kyle, and silent shots of Martha going about her pathetic, lonely existence in the small town. However, once the murder happens, the film becomes much more interesting on a more normal level of film entertainment. I personally enjoyed the entire film, which runs a very short length of about 75 minutes.
Obviously, the point of the film isn't the mystery. It's more about life in this small, poor town, where no one can seem to get out and make a good life for themselves. Martha's father is still there. Kyle's mother is still there. Rose's ex-boyfriend is still there. And when all their lives intersect for that one night, there are terrible consequences. I really enjoyed the film, but I don't think I'd watch it again, and normal filmgoers will probably not enjoy the slow, deliberate pacing and lack of action.
Hey, it is a step up from Ocean's 12, at least.

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