The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful: They're Wanted (2004) Review

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(More customer reviews)Another good, sexy, fun softcore romp from Retromedia. Nicole Sheridan and Beverly Lynne end up inheriting an old, western ghost town. But there's an evil landowner nearby who wants to scare her into selling it so that he can get his hands on its legendary lost silver mine. But the ghost of Calamity Kate helps fend him off.
Throughout this little adventure, we get six sex scenes. Four are boy/girl, one is girl/girl, and one is girl/girl/girl. The first four were excellent, the final two were okay, but could have been better. The lesbian three way should have been the highlight of the video, but it was one of the weaker scenes. Nicole was in four of the scenes, so this is a really good video for fans of her. Beverly is in two scenes. There were two other girls who were in the girl/girl scene, and they did a great job. Belinda Gavin (aka, Kylie Wyote) is also present, and is in one scene.
The other movie on the DVD, Bikini Academy, is barely worth mentioning. I sped through it on fast forward, and it looked really bad, with very little nudity and one very weak sex scene.
However, if you've enjoyed past Retromedia releases, or want something that gives you a lot of Nicole Sheridan, this is an easy recommendation.

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Lionheart (1987) Review

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(More customer reviews)This movie can be interpreted as the triumph of a righteous dream over many obstacles. Our Hero wants to join King Richard the Lionheart (hence the title) on crusade. His father wants him to remain at home. He is brought to a battle and realizes the horror of war, and winds up getting lost. No longer having his father to hold him back, he tries to find King Richard on his own and soon has a following of children, each with their own special talents. They triumph over various obstacles, most significantly a former crusader knight who has lost his faith and wants to capture the kids and sell them into slavery. There is a predictable showdown and feel-good reconciliation at the end.
The idea of a children's crusade is based on true history, but the real story wasn't quite as pleasant. There is a character of a young woman who wants to be a knight and wins a tournament. While there are examples of warrior women in history, this particular character seems based more on the modern Tatum O'Neal in "Bad News Bears" concept.
The costumes and armor, for the most part, only slightly resemble period patterns. The one-on-one fights are alright as such things go, but the battle scene seems oddly half-hearted. When we finally get to meet King Richard, for some reason we never get a good look at him. We hear his voice and watch the people watching him, we see him in a long shot, and one medium-profile, but why, if this is the guy we've been waiting for, don't we get a good payoff, like in "Robin Hood" or "Ivanhoe"?
These weaknesses kept the movie from really appealing to me much. The film maker's message that if you really believe in something and follow that belief it will all turn out right in the end does come through, but it does force an ending that seemes a little trite. I imagine younger and less demanding audiences will find it enjoyable enough and absorb that message.

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Welcome to the Grindhouse: Malibu High/Trip with Teacher (1975) Review

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(More customer reviews)Another exploitation double feature disc emulating the formula of the 2007 film, "Grindhouse", which featured two simulated 70's-era low rent thrillers (contributed by Robert Rodiguez and Quentin Tarantino), along with simulated trailers and concession-stand ads from the same era. Here, though, you get two actual low-rent, 70's-era epics featuring babes, guns, and some nasty violence. "What?" you say. "The cover of the DVD makes it look like you get lots of sexy fun. Where do the guns and violence come in?"
Well, that's the fun of these independent thrillers from a bygone era, an era when independent fare 90% consisted of sleazy gems like these, not the latest Jane Austen adaptation. And added fun always came from the fact that, regardless of the poster art, you never knew what you were actually going to get from these unpredictable movies. So, what are you getting from "Malibu High" and "Trip With the Teacher"? Glad you asked...
"Malibu High" delivers the nudity and high school hijinks promised in the poster... at first. But then it slowly goes off on a kind of descent-into-crime-and-madness riff where the central teen-age girl character, in an effort to gain independence from her nagging mother, becomes a prostitute (first small time, then as a busy, going concern), then- I kid you not- a cold-blooded hit woman working for a mob kingpin.
Oh, yes, during all of this the girl is still concerned about getting good grades, so she bribes her teachers with sexy fun at the local lovers' lane in return for A's. So, yes, the producers do drift back from time to time to the sexy exploitation theme promised on the poster, but it's soon back to assassinations in parking garages and rich guys' mansions.
While many "grindhouse" movies are unfairly lumped into the "so bad it's good" category, this one probably rightfully belongs in that particular bin. But it's definitely worth a look, preferably with a group of friends and a case of beer.
"Trip with the Teacher" doesn't want to distract you with a complicated plot, so it simply employs that old stand-by, "teens on a field trip get terrorized by crazed motorcycle thugs", and uses the rest of its energy to come up with particularly brutal ways for the thugs to terrorize the girls. Though the poster art indeed suggests that there's some kind of menace in the film and not just naked girls, it really doesn't prepare you for the unsavory deaths in store for several of the characters, and not just the girls. Yes, these thugs are mean to everybody, so it would be unfair to hit this creepy little epic with a lot of "another movie that hates women" reviews.
Things are lightened up a bit by a "good" motorcycle guy who comes to the girls' aid, but it's still all rather unpleasant. In the end, though, I have to concede that "Trip with the Teacher" is ultimately an edgy, and (unlike the earlier film) not at all ridiculous example of the grindhouse form. And since you all want to know this: Yes, there's a fair amount of nudity, but none of it is really fun to watch, due to the violent context in which most of the nudity takes place.
Extras include trailers for something called "The Stepmother", offering more thriller/exploitation fun, as mom gets it on with everyone but her husband; and "Weekend with the Babysitter", a silly movie that examines the "relevant" issue of white-haired, late middle-aged married guys suddenly taking up with their teen-age babysitters and their "now generation" friends. This trailer appears on at least one other "Welcome to the Grindhouse" double-feature DVD, but it never gets old. The disc features one or two other trailers from the 70's, but those were the best ones.
The prints used for the main features are generally fine, but both show some wear and tear. But you're not supposed to let that bother you, as scratchy prints and even the occasional missing reel were supposed to be part of the classic grindhouse experience.
In the end, I'd say that "Malibu High" is about 80% worth seeing because it's "so bad it's good" and 20% worth seeing because it's genuinely sort of interesting. "Trip with the Teacher" reverses things: it's 80% actually involving (but only if you can tolerate violent exploitation fare) and 20% fun-to-laugh-at badness.
With that said, if any of this sounds at all interesting to you, go pick this DVD up and see for yourself how you'll respond. After all, what's to lose considering the dirt-cheap price?


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Russ Meyer's Up (1976) Review

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(More customer reviews)"Up" is so much better than other soft porn movies. It has lots of large, naked breasts and bizarre, creative dialogue and plot. The acting, cinematography, editing and picture quality is all top-notch stuff. However, I'm not sure it is worth the exhorbitant price. If Russ is going to charge 30-40 dollars for his fine films, he could at least spend an hour and a half doing a commentary track.

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SS Hell Pack Triple Feature Review

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(More customer reviews)Three tedious Nazisploitation efforts, each largely indistinguishable from the vast majority of pictures in this genre.
SS GIRLS (1977), a SALON KITTY knockoff from the feeble mind of Bruno Mattei, is set in a secluded mansion wherein a crazy and debauched Nazi commander (Gabriele Carrara) employs prostitutes--each highly trained in ballet, weightlifting, fencing, gunplay and schtupping the spectrum of physically disgusting men--to lure unsuspecting Nazi traitors to their doom. The nudity quotient is high but the sex scenes, not unlike most of the male participants involved in them, are flabby, unrealistic and repetitive. And then there's some unpleasant business between a whore and a severely deformed man that, had this not been directed by one of the worst Italian directors of all time, would surely have engendered ill will. But with Mattei, it's tough not to have anything BUT ill will toward virtually everything he's ever done, so I suppose exploitation of the diseased should come as no surprise. The film is by design rather low on the torture and "cruelty" one associates with this genre, with even the mass suicide ending--which at last releases us from the company of these ridiculously smarmy actors--almost completely devoid of blood. In an interview included on the disc, Mattei reveals that he hates watching nearly all of his own films because he always sees many things he could have done better with more time and money. One would think that a director who worked extensively (and repeatedly) on low budgets and tight schedules would certainly not hurt for ingenuity, or style, as often as Mattei has, but such was not the case, if his long, depressing trail of visually ugly and sloppily plotted exploitationers is any indication.
Moving up a rung on the ladder of quality--arguably a lateral step, really, as the production value isn't much better--is Sergio Garrone's SS EXPERIMENT LOVE CAMP (1976), a once-notorious "video nasty" in England which features more full frontal nudity and butcher-meat-laced cruelty than the Mattei picture, though the romantic couplings are again rather uninvolving despite their showcasing far more attractive performers of both sexes. In this camp, ladies not chosen to improve the German race through ridiculous sex experiments are instead deemed fit for ridiculous medical experiments. (Garrone was known to do research for his films, so in all likelihood his onscreen experiments also happened in real life, and were equally as pointless) The film's key plot device--and arguably it's wildest asset--involves the camp commandant's desire for a new pair of testicles with which he can get a proper leg over for Der Fuhrer's greater glory, items duly (and seemingly unwittingly) removed from one of his officers. When good guy Helmut discovers he's a nut-free by-product of the Nazi machine just before mounting his love camp lovely, he races naked throughout the compound until he finds the duplicitous Colonel von Kleiben (Giorgio Cerioni, who looks very much like one of the puppets on Gerry Anderson's THUNDERBIRDS), furiously demanding to know "what have you been doing with my balls!?!" before inciting an all-out riot. Still, it's decidedly a case of parts surpassing the whole, as it tends to be with Nazi pictures that don't star Dyanne Thorne in a lead role.
The set concludes with Sergio Garrone's SS CAMP: WOMEN'S HELL, actually known as (and ID'd onscreen as) SS CAMP 5: WOMEN'S HELL. Exploitation Digital's sleeve for this dates it to 1977, though it's obvious Garrone shot it at the same time as SS EXPERIMENT LOVE CAMP using the same locations and most of the same cast in different roles. Garrone admits as much in the accompanying interview, and the comparatively stronger plotting, acting and action elements on offer suggest this was actually the first of the two pictures completed. Thanks to its meatier scenes of torture and medical experimentation, WOMEN'S HELL ventures closer to being a "video nasty" than LOVE CAMP, but then as now, it's tame stuff, notable mainly for introducing a Pam Grier blaxploitation vibe in the form of Rita Manna as the cunning Jamaican whore Alina, who takes advantage of besotted camp commandant Col. Strasser (Giorgio Cerioni, again sporting a THUNDERBIRDS coiffure and the plastic complexion to match) to plot the bullet-riddled liberation of her fellow prostitutes. Again, Garrone's superficial research informs the film's scenes of cruelty and degradation--including a cheap-but-effective optical that allows dead bodies to jerk and twitch in the camp's ovens (a trick used several times in LOVE CAMP as well)--but the vintage newsreel footage of actual Jews being stripped of their belongings and their lives sits uncomfortably amidst all the gratuitous boobs and beaver on display. But this was Italy in the 70's: "anything goes" was the cinematic order of the day, but cheap moralizing in a film such as this is offensive.
Thankfully, this thematically-challenged genre wasted away on the merits of films such as those included in this set. They're worth watching if you're new to the genre and want to see three average examples at a budget price rather than getting burned on the individual releases (which each cost nearly as much as this triple feature), but there are better examples out there, most notably ILSA: SHE WOLF OF THE SS. Extras on each disc include an interview with the respective director (running 10-15 minutes), meager still galleries, and selections of trailers, including some for other Nazisploitation titles.

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Space Girls in Beverly Hills (2009) Review

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(More customer reviews)Can't even believe that I wasted my money on this. You will see absolutely NO nudity what so ever in this, so if you're looking for a campy softcore flic, this is not for you!!

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SS Girls (Widescreen Edition) (2005) Review

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(More customer reviews)I had a good time with SS GIRLS. It's not bogged down with grim, sordid torture scenes, instead offering a heaping platter of cheesy chuckles served up by a harem of naked Euro-sluts. Some of the badly dubbed dialog is absolutely hysterical. Of particular note is the astonishingly overwrought "performance" - if you can call it that - of Gabriele Carrara as the demented SS officer Schellenberg. Other than running about 10 minutes too long (director Bruno Mattei, who also co-scripted, tacks on a pointless soliloquy by a minor character near the end), SS GIRLS hits all the right Eurotrash notes. There's oodles of female nudity (with some lesbianism and S&M in the mix), a number of scenes in very bad taste (that thankfully don't get TOO revolting), and loads of unintentional humor. Mattei even tosses in a bit of action in the form of a Russian tank attack.

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The Defilers/The Scum of the Earth (1965) Review

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(More customer reviews)I just picked this up recently and it's quickly become one of my favorite SW DVDs. The two films are quite different: Scum of the Earth, David Friedman/H. G. Lewis's final nudie as partners (with virtually no nudity!) comes across like a high school play about pornographers, while The Defilers has the look and feel of an early-1960s B&W TV drama punctuated with ... unsettling violence. Both movies feature several cast members from Blood Feast and the other Blood Trilogy movies.
Scum of the Earth's world-weary, boozing photographer Harmon (William Kerwin [Blood Feast]) snaps photos of pert blonde cheescake model Sandy, who's anxiously awaiting "retirement." (All her shots are taken with a scarf covering her chest.) She's also forced to pose in (implied) B&D shots ("Remember, I'm not double-jointed!") with hulking, violent misogynist brute Ajax. The chief smut peddler, Lang, smokes a big cigar, quotes Mozart, and plays with head-nodder dolls and a wind-up mechanical monkey. Harmon and Sandy recruit Kim (Adults Only regular Vicki Miles [Allison Louise Downe], one of the worst actresses of all time) to be groomed as her replacement. Mal Arnold (Blood Feast's mad caterer Fuad) plays surly, menacing, violent Larry, one of Lang's salesmen and apparently world's oldest teenager ("Don't forget, I'm a minor"). Harmon convinces Kim to show "the upper half" for $500 badly-needed tuition money, and she freaks out at another shoot when they photograph her face! Kim pleads with Lang to let her out of the deal in the hilarious "straight talk" scene: he excoriates her at length ("Deep down inside you're dirty. Do you hear me, dirty! You're damaged goods, and this is a fire sale."), working up a literal lather as the camera cuts in closer and closer on his sweaty, contorted mouth. Blackmail, (implied) violence, and more G-rated porn shoots ensue before the finale, which includes a baseball bat murder, shooting, police chase, suicide, and surprise wedding engagement between Harmon and Sandy! It all sounds quite lurid on paper, but it's actually rather quaint; you really expect Wally and the Beave to stroll around the corner any second. Scum of the Earth does share a rather, um, deliberate pace and minimalist production values with Friedman/Lewis's gore movies, but delivers plenty of entertainment value for aficionados of this sort of thing. Similar to Ed Wood's Sinister Urge, but with even funnier, highly quotable dialogue.
In The Defilers (directed, photographed, and edited by Lee Frost [Love Camp 7, Chrome and Hot Leather, Incredible Two Headed Transplant, etc.]), Carl Walker Jr. and Jameison "Jim" Marsh, two bored, jaded hipster hedonists, cruise their convertible to cool jazz and neck with their big-haired, ponytailed girlfriends (four of them) on the way to the beach, where they drink, skinny-dip, make out, and frolic in the sand (lyrical EZ-listening interlude here). Sadistic misogynist Carl (Byron Mabe, director of She Freak, The Acid Eaters, etc.) demonstrates his theories about women ...by variously pinching, spanking, and cigarette-burning his girlfriend Joanie. He further elucidates, "There is only one thing in this whole crummy, square, infested life that counts. Kicks! Kicks! Kicks! You dig me?", but his rich daddy (also obviously played by Mabe in glasses and mustache) is threatening to cut him off financially if he doesn't start showing up at the office. Meanwhile, virginal blonde aspiring actress Jane Collins ("introducing Mai Jansson") arrives in Hollywood from Minnesota on a Greyhound Scenicruiser and rents a room from degenerate Mrs. Olson. In a dingy "dungeon" love nest at his father's factory, Carl spanks frosty Kathy into submission ("Don't! Stop! . . . Don't stop!"), while Jim seduces Ellen in the car ("You wanna feel my muscle? Start the countdown.") While copping from creepy Mrs. Olson, Carl and Jim meet Jane, and later, after Jim reels off a list of possible kick-producing activities ...She's kidnapped, terrorized, and assaulted, mostly by Carl, mostly off screen. Eventually the more sensitive Jim rebels, and Carl meets a gruesome end straight out of one of Friedman's gore films. Defilers plays kind of like a really kinky episode of Surfside Six or Perry Mason, Mabe is really over the top (better as an actor than director), and Jerome Eden (Blood Trilogy) as Jim occasionally bears an uncanny resemblance to Ben Stiller (!!). The violence is sporadic and not very graphic by today's standards, but still packs a bit of a jolt; gorehounds will find it very mild, while sensitive fuzzy-sweater types will probably be appropriately shocked and sickened. I found The Defilers mildly disturbing at times, but for the most part campy and entertaining, with rich early-'60s atmosphere, some screamingly funny dialogue, and Frost's crisp, moody B&W cinematography major assets.
Extras include an entertaining and informative commentary by David Friedman and Mike Vraney (apparently distributors were disappointed in Miss Jansson's "charms"); a wild trailer collection, some fun and campy (All Women Are Bad, Confessions of a Psycho Cat, Banned, Curse of Her Flesh), some REALLY sick-looking (The Pick-Up, Ultimate Degenerate), some just stupid (Sex Killer, Sock It To Me); two OK shorts, "Intimate Diary of Artist's Models" (4:00, color) featuring "Ajax" and "Sandy" from 'Scum' in standard nudie-cutie photo hijinks (see what's under Sandy's scarf!), and Naked Fury (10:00, color) wherein a photographer shoots photos of twin girls wrestling in their undies; and another 8-minute Trash-O-Rama exploitation art gallery. Prints of both features exhibit the usual light speckling and blemishing, but are otherwise plenty sharp with excellent tonal values and detail. A must-have for exploitation and Adults Only fans!

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Tourist Trap (1979) Review

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(More customer reviews)One of the best horror films of the 1970's has finally been given a long overdue home video makeover. TOURIST TRAP is the most frightening movie ever made about mannequins, and a classic example that a low budget can be a horror film's greatest asset. In today's predictable, estrogen-driven MTV style of filmmaking wherein the writers believe that blood, gore, and throwaway lines are the ingredients necessary to make a horror film, TOURIST TRAP blows that notion out of the water. The film possesses an air of originality thanks to Nicholas Von Sternberg's beautiful visual style and superb editing by Ted Nicolaou. The story itself is similar to PSYCHO, but it's done with such pinache that one might not initially realize it. Brian DePalma's SISTERS (1973) is another great PSYCHO inspiration that you should check out if you already have not.
I first saw this movie one Saturday afternoon on TV in the mid-80's and it left one hell of an impression on me. It begins with what is unquestionably one of the most bizarre and frightening openings ever done in a horror film. A group of friends are on vacation when one of their tires blows out. Woody, the driver, walks to a gas station to get some help, but he finds himself in a situation that would give just about anyone a heart attack.
Enter Chuck Connors. He gives a wonderful and ultimately surprisingly sympathetic performance as Mr. Slausen, a congenial and charming gentleman who owns a now-defunct roadside souvenir shop/wax museum. When he meets up with Woody's friends who are concerned about Woody's whereabouts, Mr. Slausen comes to the rescue, but a series of horrendously bizarre events begin to transpire. As the story progresses, the natural inclination on the part of the viewer is to refute the plausibility of the bizarre set pieces that slowly mount. I find that if you watch it from the standpoint of falling asleep and having a nightmare about mannequins that come to life, this film is much more frightening and enjoyable.
When I was seven, I used to play in my grandmother's basement that was populated by some truly horrific dolls. One of them had outstretched hands with no hair that walked when you wound it up, and let me tell you - they were frightening. This film has that kind of effect.
This film inexplicably received a PG rating during its theatrical release which, the director states, killed it at the box office. I would have demanded an R rating if I were him! While the film contains no overt bloodshed, one of the murders is particularly gruesome and cruel (that's not counting the opening scene!)
The DVD transfer of this film is a revelation. Colors that were originally muted on the old 16mm faded prints that made the rounds on late night cable are now rich and vibrant. Pino Donaggio's score, which is one of the best elements in the film, comes through in full force. As a bonus, director David Schmoeller gives a running commentary throughout the film, though I wish he divulged more information than he actually does. Although he mentions TOURIST TRAP's origins - a film school thesis project called THE SPIDER WILL KILL YOU - he fails to disclose the film's budget. Disappointingly, why wasn't this thesis film included on the DVD? Why does the DVD state that it contains 40 trailers to other horror films when I can only access seven?
Despite my carpings, the DVD is well worth the asking price. The trailer for TOURIST TRAP is included.
For those of you who love gaffes, check out the left side of the screen at the 72:52 point during Tanya Robert's death scene. A stage hand can be seen behind a pane of glass.
Forget SCREAM and I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER. If you don't have a DVD player yet, this is one reason to purchase one. The film is currently out of print on VHS, but VHS stinks anyway!
Thank you, David Schmoeller, for making one of the best horror films EVER.
TOURIST TRAP is superb.

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The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant/The Thing With Two Heads (1972) Review

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(More customer reviews)This is certainly a double feature if I've ever seen one! Both films deal with the still unapproved surgical procedure of grafting a second head onto a human body. Just imagine how many lives will be saved when science finally gets this far. The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant is first on the bill. It's awfully funny, though it seems to be taking itself seriously. Wacky scientist, fired and disgraced from his surgeon job(for reasons never explained) decides to show the medical world he's worth something by creating a two-headed man. Sounds simple enough, he already has numerous two-headed animals. When an escaped rapist/killer tries to assault the doctor's wife, the doctor blows him away and sticks the head onto the local retarded handyman. Neither men consent to this. The operation is a success, and it certainly is incredible-incredibly stupid, that is. The doctor and his assistant actually seemed surprised that the thing goes on a killing spree after it escapes. I guess the doctor didn't think that he had just revived the head of the guy who tried to rape his wife. And to add to the fun, Casey Kasem is in it too! Some of the editing looks like this could have been a lost Russ Meyer movie...minus the boobs of course.
Next on the double bill is The Thing With Two Heads. This time the movie is going for laughs, and does succeed in a few spots. Though it's less serious, the explanation of grafting a second head is more believable this time. This is definately a career low for Ray Milland, who is established early on as a racist surgeon. He doesn't want to hire a black doctor even though he has a great reputation. Milland is dying of cancer and wants a body donor from death row to graft his head onto, then after his head adjusts to the body, remove the convict's head and replace it with his own. With time running out for Milland and only one donor, it turns out to be a black man who has other plans-he wants to clear his name of the crime he was accused of. Lots of chasing, including a long motorcycle chase where a record number of police cars are trashed. So, get yourself Domino's two for one pizza deal, kick back and enjoy the two-headed double feature.

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Pink Flamingos Review

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(More customer reviews)This film is hilarious! It's so good! Judging by some of the low reviews this movie has received, it's pretty clear that these people have no sense of humour and probably grew up in the Bible Belt of America living under rocks with no clue of anything involving creativity.
People, this movie is SUPPOSED TO BE GROSS, IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE DISGUSTING, IT DELIBERATELY HAS BAD ACTING...all these things make this movie so appealing. The main character is a transvestite, her son has a chicken sex fetish, the mother is obsessed with eating eggs and lives in a play pen, the villains have red and blue hair and keep girls impregnated by their chauffeur locked in the basement...how could it get any better??
I laugh harder everytime I see this movie and I'm sure anyone with a sense of humour will strongly agree and find it equally as amusing!

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PINK FLAMINGOS:25TH ANNIVERSARY - DVD Movie

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